Monday, July 2, 2012

What's for Sale?

Because every truck driver, student driver, and elderly driver decided to be on the 605 North today, I found myself cruising behind a freight truck with an ad for Bro Pack Beef.

To most of us of average intelligence, clearly Bro Pack Beef is meat. To those who may not be of average intelligence, this ad could be quite confusing.

"Bro" has several definitions. The OED defines "Bro" as the colloquial for "brother." That positive connotation does transfer to the slang term "bro" when one is referring to a close, male friend. In addition, Urban dictionary has a string of definitions mostly focusing on the derogatory: "An alpha male idiot, usually white young male, found commonly in places like san bernardino county in california, as well as orange county. always, without exception, drive big lifted trucks." Their style consists of "trucker hats off center, plug earrings, sunglasses, wife beater shirt or no shirt, sagging dickies shorts, high black socks, skater shoes or those black corduroy slipper things, have a lot of tatoos of things like stars" (Urban Dictionary).

Those who have always wanted an older brother, would be drawn to the Bro Pack Beef ad thinking he/she could finally have that protective older sibling he/she always wanted. But, isn't buying people a felony?

As for the label "Bro," derogatory or not, this will isolate the market. My sister dated a full-fledge Bro and if she had seen that ad, she  might have caused a pile-up on the 605 just trying to get away from it.  I, on the other hand, have never dated a Bro, so it might inspire me to buy . . . I mean try it.

Then the "pack" issue comes into play. Even if Bro Pack Beef found a way to sell older siblings without getting arrested, do I really want a pack of them? A pack may be innocuously defined by the OED as "a bundle of things wrapped or tied together," but I can't help but associate packs with wolves, hyenas and other carnivorous animals. Do I want a bunch of carnivorous animals taking on the role of my protector?


But then in true brother/sister form, being the object of much teasing from a bunch of carnivorious animals is not what I want to invest in.

If I am willing to invest in dating a tatted-out, white young man, do I really want a pack? Do bros have an expiration date? If they do, and I can't finish the pack, will my badass reputation be put at risk? And how many are in the pack? Is it like a pack of beer?

I am already riddled with confusion and I haven't even addressed the "beef" aspect yet. On the surface, beef is simply meat from a cow, but since the company is using the term "bro," "beef" might also have a colloquial or slang definition. Commonly, "beef" is also defined as a grudge or a fight. Therefore, do I really want a pack of bros that are ready to brawl?

Bro Pack Beef has really narrowed their market to men and women who have no self-esteem and who need a pack of brothers to not only protect them but also abuse them, men who have anger issues and who feel a few good brawls will make them feel better, and women who are feeling rebellious and have a lot of stamina.

Well, at least the company didn't call themselves Bro Pack Sausage. Talk about a narrow market.


  1. I don't eat red meat. Do they make Bro Pack Tofu?

  2. Never knew Bro had so many meanings. Now I have to be careful how and where I use it :-)


Please validate my existence.