Sunday, March 20, 2011

A Little Fact; a Little Fiction: The Intruder

The goldfish bowl teetered, but my resolve did not.
     The pounding on my door at 1 a.m. rattled me; withdrawing the knife from the kitchen drawer calmed me.
     Going to the door, I said, “Who is there?”
     “Open the door, you fucking bitch,” he bellowed.  I jerked back, knocking the small table next to it. I reached out and steadied the fish bowl.
     Steadied myself.
     More pounding on the door; more demands to open it.
     Smiling, I unlocked the door and stepped back. “Come on in,” I said, raising the knife.
     I had always wanted to do this.

22 comments:

  1. Yikes, don't mess with her--she has a knife! LOL

    I like how you've made this your own unique version from those same 4 starting words. A thriller or horror or romance gone bad/murder scene. :)

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  2. Aaaah! This is the Holly writing I know and love.

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  3. I love this sentence: The pounding on my door at 1 a.m. had rattled me; withdrawing the knife from the kitchen drawer had calmed me.

    It's awesome! I love a strong woman and it sounds like he's going to get what he deserves.

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  4. Great job! I like how she smiles with the knife raised.

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  5. Great stuff. I love that last line. Go get him!

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  6. Beautifully creepy!! I love it when the bad guy gets what he deserves. Well done, Holly!

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  7. Great Job. I love the end! "I've always wanted to do this" = AWESOME :)

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  8. Powerful- yeah come on in she will make a mess out of you if you're outta line- well done!

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  9. Wowzer! I can already tell that the guy at the door deserves to die. I can just tell. He didn't have to say much for me to think, go get him, girl. Though I'm not advocating murder. But in this instance...do it.

    Very good.

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  10. I love that second sentence :) Great entry. I think you could get rid of most of those 'had's in there and it'd flow better :)

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  11. Awesome stuff! That's a chick you don't want to mess with!

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  12. This is fantastic (and totally up my alley - I love scary stuff)!

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  13. strong girl - Yay - I'm sure he deserved the knife

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  14. Seriously?! You can't leave the story like that! I need to read more! Amazing. Great job!

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  15. "i had always wanted to do this." Hellzyea! Awesome!

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  16. I was cheering for your heroine, in only 100 words. Bravo!

    New follower here! Looking forward to reading more from you :)

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  17. Twist. Very nice. Love the unexpected ending.

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  18. Nice hook! Terrible place to leave us hanging. Great visual imagery.

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  19. I think we all wonder, sometimes, how far we'd have to be pushed to do something like that. Gripping and well written.

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  20. Okay, so he really doesn't sound very nice...but is there any chance at all that they can talk and work things out peacefully? ;-)

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